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Patents Businesses Apple

Apple Attempts to Patent Pre-Existing Display Software Idea 256

Nuclear Elephant writes "Apple appears to be taking ideas from commercial software already being sold and is attempting to patent the concepts as their own. According to Apple Insider, Apple has recently filed a patent application for a notification screen on the iPhone. The only problem with this is that Intellisync has been using this concept in their popular iPhone notification screen software for over a year now, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that this is a clear rip-off. Apple recently became famous (or infamous) for stealing other people's ideas when they rolled out their Dashboard in Mac OS X, which had many similarities to a desktop widget program named the Konfabulator, which later became Yahoo widgets. The case here isn't a simple hijacking of an idea, however — Apple is applying for a patent on Intelliscreen's concept, which could be detrimental to the original manufacturer of the software, who is actively selling it for Jailbroken iPhones"
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Apple Attempts to Patent Pre-Existing Display Software Idea

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  • Way to go Apple! (Score:2, Insightful)

    by PunkOfLinux ( 870955 )

    Really, GREAT job with this! I hope you don't get it, and are forced to pay all sorts of fines.

    Sick of software patents. "Oh, this makes your screen tell you something is happening!" Yeah, real fucking original.

    • by nine-times ( 778537 ) <nine.times@gmail.com> on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:43PM (#25076345) Homepage

      I'm sick of software patents, but I'm not sure it makes sense to blame Apple. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

      And in case I have to spell that out more, any big company these days who has anything to do with software are going to file software patents whenever they think they might possibly be able to get one. If for no other reason, collecting a large number of patents can be used defensively. So when Microsoft comes to Apple and says, "You're using a lot of our silly patents, so we're going to sue you," Apple can respond, "Well you're using our silly patents too, so we'll countersue." And vice versa.

      So whether it's Apple or Microsoft or IBM, I don't blame these companies for patenting everything they can, whether it makes sense or not. I only blame them if they start using those patents offensively (in both senses of the word "offensive"). However, I do take serious issue with the patent system, and think it should be reformed.

      • by mweather ( 1089505 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:58PM (#25076681)
        Without the players, there is no game.
        • The problem is, it only takes one player to win. At that point, everyone else (who decided to boycott the game for ethical reasons) loses.

          Having said that, yeah, it's pretty lame of Apple to try to patent someone else's ideas. The argument nine-times makes about defensive use of patents is bogus in this case. Even if Microsoft (or anyone else) were to try to patent something like this, all Apple would have to do is show Intellisync's app and claim prior art.
          • That's not what he's talking about. What he was talking about was "You're using one of our patents!" "Well, you're using one of ours, so lets just save ourselves the trouble and agree not to do anything about it."

          • Re:Way to go Apple! (Score:5, Interesting)

            by 2nd Post! ( 213333 ) <gundbear.pacbell@net> on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:51PM (#25077633) Homepage

            If you read the patents you would see that Apple is doing something innovative in comparison to what Intellisync is doing. It's obvious, but also different.

            Intellisync's idea is to provide you a message center while the lock screen is up.

            Apple's patent is to provide you a message board before and after you dismiss the lock screen.

            Right now no one does it. I haven't seen it anywhere in any OS or operating environment, and in that case it is innovation. Obvious, but innovative.

        • by roggg ( 1184871 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:21PM (#25077093)

          Without the players, there is no game.

          My kids like to play punch-buggy...you know that game where when you see a volkswagen beetle, you get to punch anyone near you as long as you get your punch in first. My daughter, when she starts losing claims she's "not playing". This never deters my son, who sees this as an opportunity to roll on to victory completely unopposed. It seems that in punch-buggy, not playing means at best, everyone leaves you alone, and at worst, you get the crap kicked out of you constantly. Sorry...what were we talking about again?

        • by ardle ( 523599 )
          So true. And to play this game, you don't follow the rules so much as use them.
          It looks like Apple are trying to put pressure on an entity they see as threatening their money, using the rules of the patent system. It's not likely to succeed, but if it does, it's a cheap win. Next option is DMCA: not great PR, seeing as they're trying to loosen-up copyright for iTunes.
      • Re:Way to go Apple! (Score:4, Informative)

        by syousef ( 465911 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:38PM (#25077415) Journal

        I'm sick of software patents, but I'm not sure it makes sense to blame Apple. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

        Nope. Sorry. Bzzt. Wrong. No one would say don't hate the player if this were Microsoft or SCO. If a company behaves unethically or destructively I'll sure as hell hold those that run the company responsible. I'm tired of hearing how Apple's products "just work" and how the sun shines, the butterflies come out and rainbows appear if you'll just queue up for their days and buy their staff at launch. Corporate bullshit stinks just as much no matter the company. Companies can, will and should be held accountable for their actions.

        And in case I have to spell that out more, any big company these days who has anything to do with software are going to file software patents whenever they think they might possibly be able to get one.

        "In case I have to spell it out, serial killers kill innocent women and children when they think they might possibly be able to get one". Doesn't make it less heinous does it?

        However, I do take serious issue with the patent system, and think it should be reformed.

        At this point I can see nothing working for the patent system short of scraping it and starting afresh.

        • by repvik ( 96666 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:50PM (#25077621)

          And in case I have to spell that out more, any big company these days who has anything to do with software are going to file software patents whenever they think they might possibly be able to get one.

          "In case I have to spell it out, serial killers kill innocent women and children when they think they might possibly be able to get one". Doesn't make it less heinous does it?

          One act is fully legal, and the other is very illegal. Your analogy stinks.

        • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

          by nine-times ( 778537 )

          Nope. Sorry. Bzzt. Wrong. No one would say don't hate the player if this were Microsoft or SCO

          Nope. Sorry. Bzzt. Wrong. I would be saying "don't hate the player" if this were Microsoft. I don't hold it against Microsoft that they file for patents, even if they're silly patents. There may be plenty of reasons to hate Microsoft, but that's not one of them. It's something that, given their position, they *have to* do.

      • In this case, the player is taking full advantage of a broken game with the possibility of trying to quash competition. I'm inclined to hate BOTH.

        • I'll hold out judgement until we see more than "the possibility of trying to quash competition". Like, maybe an actual attempt to quash the competition.
    • Re:Way to go Apple! (Score:5, Informative)

      by 2nd Post! ( 213333 ) <gundbear.pacbell@net> on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:45PM (#25076391) Homepage

      Did anyone even read the links? Did the submitter? Or the editor?

      Apple's patent (as silly as it is) is to make Intellisync's information available when the phone is unlocked. Intellisync only works when the phone is locked!

      • by mcmonkey ( 96054 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:25PM (#25077185) Homepage

        Did anyone even read the links? Did the submitter? Or the editor?

        Why bother? You're pretending any one /. has the slightest clue in regards to patents.

        We do not.

        Example: Apple wants to patent foo. Application X already does foo!

        If we had any clue, we'd notice no one patents "foo". One patents "a method to do foo". So even if foo is a common feature, Apple could come up with a novel, non-obvious method of achieving foo that may be worthy of a patent.

        Example: when bucky balls were first created, those folks wanted to patent the method of creating them. Problem was, they didn't know what bucky balls could be used for, what the heck to do with them.

        So they patented the process of creating bucky balls and putting them in solution to use as ink. Plenty of other folks had used carbon in solution as ink, but no one had thought of using that particular method of producing that particular form of carbon to put into solution to use as ink.

        Foo can be as old as the wheel if your method of achieving foo is new.

    • by danaris ( 525051 ) <danaris@NosPaM.mac.com> on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:14PM (#25076967) Homepage

      First and foremost, and very generally: just because a patent is superficially like something that already exists, that in itself doesn't mean the patent was either obvious, or automatically invalidated by prior art.

      Second, and more topically, I don't know when this IntelliScreen softwareâ"which, by the way, is NOT an SDK app, but only for people who have a jailbroken iPhoneâ"came out, but the AppleInsider article clearly states that the "quick settings" patent was filed last December, and the "notification screen" patent was filed a few months before that! That is a little hazy, but could easily mean that it was filed before the iPhone was actually released to the public.

      So while it is certainly possible that the filing still post-dates the release of the IntelliScreen software, I don't see how Apple can be expected to troll through every completely unsupported hacked up app for the iPhone just to see if something they've got planned to patent has already been thought up. That may not prevent the patent from being invalidated by the (potential) prior art of IntelliScreen, but it certainly puts the kibosh on the idea that Apple "stole" the idea. (I pay pretty close attention to news & stuff about the iPhone myself, and this is the first time I've heard about anything remotely resembling IntelliScreen, so it can't be a ubiquitous killer app).

      But no, the truth, however obvious it may be, is boring. It's far, far more fun to run around screaming and pointing at Apple and saying, "THEY'RE STEALING OUR IDEAS! EVIL! EVIL!"

      Good bleeding grief, Jonathan Zdziarski, grow up, get a clue, and stop trying to get page hits on your blog.

      We have been trolled.

      Dan Aris

      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        But if an app was already in place before the patent filing, that patent should be null and void. And if you are filing a patent it would be in your best interest to see if there is something already out there (a patent or an app). Also doesn't the patent office also check to see if there is a patent for what one is proposing?

        This is 2008, last December would be December 2007 the IPhones were already out. Explain to me how a patent files in December 2007 could be before the IPhone came out in June(?) 2007.

  • Well... (Score:2, Insightful)

    Someone should probably let them know that they can't do that...
    • Re:Well... (Score:5, Informative)

      by 2nd Post! ( 213333 ) <gundbear.pacbell@net> on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:47PM (#25076415) Homepage

      Why not?

      Read the patent and Intellisync. They are different.

      The patent is to make available all the data when the phone is unlocked; Intellisync makes the data available when the screen is locked!

      • Damn. Now that you explained it, I see exactly how innovative this really is..

        • I didn't say it wasn't a stupid patent...

          I mean, displaying all that info is kind of obvious, and I'm surprised it didn't ship with the iPhone in the first place.

      • Apple invents the information screen?!?

        • No, this is actually more like a corkboard or message center.

          And I've not actually seen it in any other location (not in Vista, not in XP, not in OS X, or Linux), so in that sense it is kind of innovative, and at the same time obvious.

          But you know what? Expose is also obvious, and no one did it until Apple...

  • by einer ( 459199 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:27PM (#25076037) Journal

    Expect this behavior as long as it is financially beneficial to engage in it. There is no dis-inscentive for this type of lying. There is no reason NOT to do this if you can afford it. They could hit the jackpot with minimal risk.

    • Exactly. We can fight them off successfully 9/10 times and they still win. Once they have that patent they can start suing people for inventing their ideas.

      This is another reason to donate to the EFF:/

      I think Microsoft's products are crap and hate their business model/ethics. I like Apple's prodcuts and hate their business model/ethics.

  • Avast! (Score:5, Funny)

    by bigstrat2003 ( 1058574 ) * on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:29PM (#25076081)

    Avast, Apple! Ye scurvy dogs may have forgotten that we be havin' this provision in our rules statin' that something ye patent must not already be bein' made by someone else.

    Foolish landlubbers need to walk th' plank, says I!

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      Avast, Apple! Ye scurvy dogs may have forgotten that we be havin' this provision in our rules statin' that something ye patent must not already be bein' made by someone else.

      Arrr! Ye be drinkin' too much from the barrel o' rum if ye think the USPTO reads the parchment yonder patent application is writ on.

      Ay, matey, thar be the hole in yer hull. Too many patents, not enough eyepatch-covered eyes to be readin' 'em.

    • Avast, Apple! Ye scurvy dogs may have forgotten that we be havin' this provision in our rules statin' that something ye patent must not already be bein' made by someone else.

      Foolish landlubbers need to walk th' plank, says I!

      Yar. Youse be forgetten our rules be havin' a provision sayin ye who has the map to the gold bein the capitan; and them those who don't be keelhauled and sent to Davy Jones.

      • Aye matey, 'tis truth you speak. We need t' keelhaul the scurvy dogs who be thinkin' that an honest sea dog should always be swabbin' the poop deck, while the cap'n always be dinin' in comfort.
    • At least someone knew it was International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Aaaaarrrr!!
  • Tiger came out over three years ago.
  • And... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Otter ( 3800 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:32PM (#25076143) Journal

    The only problem with this is that Intellisync has been using this concept in their popular iPhone notification screen software for over a year now, and It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that this is a clear rip-off of it.

    The relevant patent seems to be roughly a year old. And the priority date on it is...? Whether or not Intellisync has priority (and, as with all these stories, whether the comparison of the patent to the existing product is even accurate), it seems pretty clear that Apple didn't "steal" the idea.

    • by shinma ( 106792 )

      Silly facts never get in the way of a chance to bash Apple. :P

    • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

      by Dachannien ( 617929 )

      It claims domestic priority from a provisional application filed January 7, 2007. Anything before that date counts as prior art, unless the inventors provide evidence that they invented the claimed invention before the prior art was published (which they can't do if the prior art was published more than a year before the effective filing date).

  • by geekmux ( 1040042 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:32PM (#25076153)

    "Apple is applying for a patent...which could be detrimental to the original manufacturer of the software, who is actively selling it for Jailbroken iPhones"

    Wow. Patent against software being sold for illegal phones. I'd sue, but I'm not quite sure where to start on that one.

    • "Apple is applying for a patent...which could be detrimental to the original manufacturer of the software, who is actively selling it for Jailbroken iPhones"

      Wow. Patent against software being sold for illegal phones. I'd sue, but I'm not quite sure where to start on that one.

      God you're an idiot.
      Why do people still think that hacking a device you own is illegal!?
      Enabling read/write access to the filesystem of an iPhone to install an application isn't even close to illegal, yet every freaking time jailbreaking comes up, someone in the comments has to go and mention how it's "illegal"...
      It is so annoying because it's ignorant, and spreads FUD...
      -Taylor

  • Right... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by shinma ( 106792 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:34PM (#25076173) Homepage

    Apple recently became famous (or infamous) for stealing other people's ideas when they rolled out their Dashboard in Mac OS X, which had many similarities to a desktop widget program named the Konfabulator, which later became Yahoo widgets.

    Uh, Konfabulator stole their widgets from NeXTStep.

    Which is owned by who, again? Oh, right. Apple.

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      Did you actually expect a deceently written summary in a post by ScuttleMonkey? Come on now...
    • Re:Right... (Score:4, Funny)

      by Kingrames ( 858416 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:43PM (#25076357)
      Yar, they pirated it first, fair an' square! Clearly, Apple be violatin' their patent on piratin'.
    • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

      by One Louder ( 595430 )
      They go back even earlier than that. They were called "desk accessories" on the original Macintosh.
      • Arrrh, mateys, them Desk Accessories look to this pirate like them TSR programs for yonder MS-DOS and PC-DOS boxes, back when Long Tim Silver be larnin' to cook.

    • Re:Right... (Score:5, Insightful)

      by JustinOpinion ( 1246824 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:56PM (#25076625)

      This isn't a rant against your post (because you're right); rather just a reaction to the general concept of "stealing ideas".

      I'm sick of the innumerable "X stole this computer idea from Y" complaints. They don't make sense for a variety of reasons, such as:
      1. The same idea is frequently developed by different people independently. Especially when the idea is a fairly obvious and expected extension of what already exists. (Hint: 99% of software and interface improvements fall into this category.)
      2. I *want* developers "stealing" ideas from each other. If the Internet Explorer team comes up with a cool new idea, I want the Mozilla and Safari and Konqueror teams to implement it, too. Only ridiculous pride (or ridiculous patent law) would argue otherwise. Having different people competing and innovating is great--but it's only a big advantage for the end consumers if the best ideas are eventually incorporated in a single product.
      3. Ideas can't be "owned" and hence can't be "stolen". They are ethereal, replicable, and not sharply defined. It is impossible to delineate the limits to an idea, and thus any ownership thereof. (Patent and copyright law try to do this--and this is one reason they so frequently lead to absurd situations.)

      I firmly believe in attribution and having a proper sense of history. But I am sick of people acting as if "stealing" an idea is bad thing. When it comes to ideas, we should be encouraging their wild proliferation, and encouraging everyone to use the best among them.

  • Man, that Konfabulator vs Dashboard thing again? Didn't we already decide that Apple did it first? Like, 20 years ago?
  • All move to Microsoft? Better yet start using FreeBSD so we can all be 7334!
  • yes indeed. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by David Gerard ( 12369 ) <slashdot.davidgerard@co@uk> on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:42PM (#25076335) Homepage

    "OK, fuck it, we're evil. But you don't care because our stuff is sooo good. It works well. So bend over and TAKE IT from our patents. Or we'll make you use a Windows CE phone instead."

    Mac users are surprised when things don't work well and smoothly; Windows users are surprised when they do. Microsoft wouldn't have had half the trouble with antitrust and crappy Seinfeld ads [today.com] if their stuff actually worked.

    Same with Google. "Sure, you're worried about our tentacles in your life. But it's not like you're going to use Windows Live Search. Muwaaaaahahaha."

    • by syousef ( 465911 )

      Mac users are surprised when things don't work well and smoothly; Windows users are surprised when they do

      Congratulations for falling for the marketing hook, line and sinker. You might want to Google apple bugs or ipod bugs or MacOS bugs some time or Apple security flaw. There are plenty of them and serious ones. They've put out unusable software. Their product's aren't magical. They may or may not be less buggy than the competition's for the desktop OS, but I wouldn't know and don't want to spend the money

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      Hmmm....

      The whole 'Windows users are surprised when they do" comment irritates me. I use Windows for my main OS, and I must say, sure, sometimes things don't go smoothly, but, generally it is a simple problem that can generally be fixed by getting an update for whichever program I happen to be using. I can't really remember the last time that I had Windows crash. Once in a while a software program may crash, but generally, this is due to the software needing an update, as I stated above. I do not bla
  • Palm, Nokia, and other phones have had equivalent software for years.

    Apple frequently patents things and takes credit for other people's inventions. The company is evil.

  • Unfortunately with the state of patent laws these days, some companies are forced to amass a portfolio of obvious patents for defense. Is this one of them?
  • by houbou ( 1097327 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:48PM (#25076449) Journal

    I'm so not surprised by this development, obviously, Apple has never been what we can call "Fair" in the past, why start now?

    A short while ago, there was an article about "Apple Rejects iPhone App As Competitive To iTunes [slashdot.org].

    I replied with the following thread: SDK Agreement, anyone read it? [slashdot.org].

    That thread has extracts of the SDK and GTM agreements and after you read it, you will see how Apple is able to take it upon themselves to patent something which "isn't" supposed to be their product.

    So, unless Intellisync had an agreement that this was their product, etc... with Apple, then, they left themselves open for a take over.

    Worse is that the agreements which Apple provides you with you 1) download the SDK and 2) use their Go-to-Market program to sell in their stores, are pretty clear.

    But Apple has a sneaky way of delivering this information.

    When you download the SDK, you don't get to see the GTM agreement clauses.

    As far as I'm concerned, when you download the SDK for the iPhone, you should also be provided with the agreement for the "Go-To-Market" program. But this is how Apple gets to take advantage of people who don't read the fine lines and don't do their homework on the legal side.

    • by tgd ( 2822 )

      IntelliScreen isn't built with the Apple SDK. Its a jailbroken app built on the real APIs on the phone.

      And if Jobs fucks it up and I lose my Intelliscreen, I'll be on my way out to Cupertino to shove my iPhone up his necrotic ass.

  • by PortHaven ( 242123 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:51PM (#25076533) Homepage

    What my Pocket PC mobile phone has been able to do for years?

    Um...excuse, but can someone please explain what the heck I am missing on this one?

    • Your Pocket PC isn't a closed system like the iPhone. They're patenting the application of a smartphone user interface to other kinds of phones. Or something like that.

      Whatever, it's sad when a phone running a Microsoft OS is more open than one running UNIX. :p

      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by Culture20 ( 968837 )

        Whatever, it's sad when a phone running a Microsoft OS is more open than one running UNIX. :p

        Just be glad it's not a phone running Solaris.

    • And its the only thing I miss from my HTC phone.

  • konfabulator (Score:3, Interesting)

    by larry bagina ( 561269 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @03:52PM (#25076541) Journal
    It doesn't fit into the sensationalist summary, but Mac OS 1 included desk accessories in 1984. Dashboard (and Konfabulator) are an updated version of that concept.
    • by tekrat ( 242117 )

      Uh, Sidekick for DOS? Anybody remember that? What year was that?

      The concept of a little program running on top of another has been around practically as long as there have been programmable computers.

      • by objekt ( 232270 )

        Oh yeah? Well, I had a real world calculator on my real world desktop long before that silly Sidekick program came to be. So there!

        arrrrrrrrrrr.

  • Apple recently became famous (or infamous) for stealing other people's ideas when they rolled out their Dashboard in Mac OS X, which had many similarities to a desktop widget program named the Konfabulator, which later became Yahoo widgets.

    ScuttleMonkey, you should have scuttled this post! ARRRR!: Someone who bitches about patents, which are intended to limit the free application of certain ideas, then bitching about the free application of ideas in the same breath.

    Wow, kids, let's try that template again:

    [OSS developers] recently became famous (or infamous) for stealing other people's ideas when they rolled out their [GIMP] in [Linux], which had many similarities to a desktop [...] program named [Photoshop] [...]

    Wash, rinse, repeat! It's the hypocrisy generator!

  • by Grond ( 15515 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:11PM (#25076905) Homepage

    Here is the patent application in question [uspto.gov].

    You'll notice the June 28, 2007 filing date. The earliest reference I can find to Intelliscreen is that it was in early beta in May of 2008. Indeed, Intelliborn didn't apply for a trademark on "Intelliscreen" until May 23, 2008 (TM App. Serial No. 77482276). Also note that the product requires a jailbroken iPhone. The iPhone wasn't even first jailbroken until July, 2007 [wired.com]!

    Thus, it seems almost certain that Apple came up with the idea long before Intelliborn had a product on the market and very likely long before Intelliborn came up with the idea at all.

    People should understand that patent applications are (generally) not published the moment they are filed. Instead, they are usually published 18 months after the filing date. Just because we are now seeing the application does not mean that it was only now filed. In fact, it usually means just the opposite.

    • Re: (Score:2, Informative)

      by alphaFlight ( 26589 )
      Also, there is claim to priority from three earlier provisional applications. If these applications provide supporting disclosure to the claims, it could bring the date back to an even earlier time.

      [0001]This application claims priority to: (A) U.S. Provisional Patent Application No. 60/879,469, filed Jan. 8, 2007, entitled "Portable Multifunction Device"; (B) U.S. Provisional Patent Application No. 60/879,253, filed Jan. 7, 2007, entitled "Portable Multifunction Device"; and (C) U.S. Provisional Patent Ap

  • by mpapet ( 761907 ) on Friday September 19, 2008 @04:18PM (#25077049) Homepage

    Ye landlubbers never seen such a frightful sight as the Flyin Apple on the starboard with the Skull-n-Bones flyin.

    Ay she's a fast ship the Flyin Apple. Her hull like dull silver. No good ever come of her. I've seen her come aboard a ship in the Carribbean and all the crew were turned to shredded paper!

    ARRRRR!!

  • So which is Apple?

    Mean: believing that they can get it and bully anyone who challenges them?

    Stupid: for thinking that they could actually get away with it?

    Ignorant: completely of any and all prior art?
  • Can rejected patent application be used as a precedent during patent trial case?

    Bit on off-topic side of course. But does it make sense for company to simply file patents for all the stuff which isn't yet patented. If it is rejected - then nobody can sue us for the use of idea since it cannot be patented. If it is accepted - well nobody can sue us for other obvious reason.

    As a non-US guy's question: could such practice exist in US? (Because that might a good direction to work on for F/LOSS software t

  • by David Gerard ( 12369 ) <slashdot.davidgerard@co@uk> on Friday September 19, 2008 @05:41PM (#25078595) Homepage

    CUPERTINO, Transylvania, Friday - After bricking unlocked iPhones, kicking applications off the iPhone store that might even slightly compete with iTunes in the far future, and filing a wave of patents on basic well-known computer science, Apple Inc. today filed a 10-Q with the Securities Exchange Commission declaring that it was openly adopting Evil(tm) [today.com] as a corporate policy.

    "Fuck it," said Steve Jobs to an audience of soul-mortgaged thralls, "we're evil. But our stuff is sooo good. You'll keep taking our abuse. You love it, you worm. Because our stuff is great. It's shiny and it works. It's not like you'll go back to a Windows Mobile phone. Ha! Ha!â

    Steve Ballmer of Microsoft was incensed at the news. "Our evil is better than anyone's evil! No-one sweats the details of evil like Microsoft! Where's your antitrust trial, you polo-necked bozo? We've worked hard on our evil! Our Zune's as evil as an iPod any day! I won't let my kids use a lesser evil! We're going to do an ad about that! I'll be in it! With Jerry Seinfeld! Beat that! Asshole."

    Sergey Brin of Google said, "Of course, we're still not evil. You can trust us on this. Every bit of data about you, your life and the house you live in is strictly a secret between you and our marketing department. But, hypothetically, if we were evil, it's not like you're going to use Windows Live Search. Ha! Ha! I'm sorry, that's my 'spreading good cheer' laugh. Really."

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him. -- Bion

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